Pain can come in multiple ways and take multiple forms.
Pain from trauma.
Pain from losing a job.
Pain from a bad decision.
Pain from rejection.
Pain of the loss of relationship(s).
Pain from the death of someone loved.
It can also look like:
Pain from growing into more of yourself.
Pain from saying no to something you really wanted to do.
Pain from having to set boundaries.
Pain from needing to walk away.
Pain from not being chosen.
Pain when you discover someone means more to you than you do to them.
This list could go on and I am sure you have yours that you could add too!
One of the most difficult challenges a survivor of complex trauma, especially sexual, has to reckon with isn’t the pain. No, we understand the depth of that and all that it drags along with it.
The challenge is LOVE.
Understanding the depth of not just the word LOVE but the complete concept of it. In order to “love deeper than any pain has reached” we much first begin the process of removing the toxicity and the role that pain and all it’s complexity has brought with it into not just our minds but also our whole being. Then, one by one, little by little dismantle the lies, labels, and many times deep rooted shame that the pain has engrained into us. Branding us many times with its scarlet letter.
It is difficult I know BUT not impossible to dismantle pain, piece by piece and lie by lie. I will also say it takes hard work and if it’s deep, it’s excruciating and exhausting.
The pain I bore for my whole life brought with it this lie, “No one can or will love someone like you, no one.” Even years after I knew the truth the pain bare down screaming & spewing it’s lie. It perpetuated it intertwining into ALL of my relationships trying to choke the life out of them.
Lean in and listen, it’s time! It’s to to uproot, grab the weed killer if you have too, but do whatever it takes to change the narrative the pain is saying to you. For love is worth it and so are you! You have things no one else has to offer the world! The gift of you. The gift of love!
Beautiful Relatable words by Angie Conn
Survivor, Zero Abuse Project Subject Matter Expert, SurvivorSpace Survivor Stories Feature.
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